sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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