He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
