Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
