you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
