where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
