It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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