I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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