My liver just broke up with me...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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