Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize