dude i'm inner monologue high
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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