someone get that fucking seahorse.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
