I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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