"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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