even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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