I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
