Did you just see the Batmobile???
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
