I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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