I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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