I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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