Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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