I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
