Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
