I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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