I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
