sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize