Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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