his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
