yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
