It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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