his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize