No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize