AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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