And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
