My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
