you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
