I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
