At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
