Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
