He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
