i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
