I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sext me about skeletons
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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