why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
