Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
