New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you didnt know i had herpes?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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