and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
