so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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