he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
