Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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