Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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