i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You need a sexual gate keeper
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
