So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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