Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
