So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I touched a dick in church today
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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