I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize