Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You took a bar mat shot.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
