All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Everclear isn't food dammit
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
