So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
