But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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