chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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