I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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