I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
