I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
