I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
