So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
