Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
how drunk are you?
Several
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
