So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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