I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
